We must dare to unlearn the things that have kept up alive for so long.
Monday, May 20, 2013
OkCupid fail of the day:
"If ur feminist r u a domme?"
That was the whole message. And, shockingly, it's from someone who's an 85% match with me. How did that happen? I have no faith in this system anymore.
I think your response to this is interesting. Is that offensive to you? Why is that? I don't want to know your philosophical reasons for why that might be offensive. What are your PERSONAL reasons? He was asking a question, not making a statement... Of course, his use of improper grammar is what I find totally offensive. Propriety equals respect in my book. My PERSONAL reasons for thinking that way is that, in general, people who I admire and would date would never send a message like that. They take extra care in their communications and somehow that translates to how they would take care of me. The little stuff matters. Especially in the beginning, right?
I wasn't offended-- just a bit flabbergasted. There were lots of little things that added up to my negative response. I'm not going to distinguish between my "philosophical reasons" and my "personal reasons," because they're kind of the same in my mind.
1. The poor spelling.
2. The implied assumptions about what feminism is/means. To me, feminism is about being an advocate for equal rights for everyone regardless of gender (among other things). It has nothing to do with my preferences in the bedroom.
2.5. The logical fallacy behind feminist = domme. Because, what, feminists are man-haters who want to whip men into submission? I mean, I think that part of feminism is embracing the ability/right of consenting adults to do as they choose, so there's totally room for all kinds of kinky stuff, but... to jump from "feminist" to "domme" is, to put it lightly, a big jump. That's like saying "So if you're a computer programmer are you a furry?" (Aside from the lack of knowledge about feminism, I am not interested in someone who makes such funky errors in their thinking.)
3. The lack of care in composing a message, paired with seeming to expect a response. If you're not going to put effort into communicating with me, why would you expect me to put effort into communicating with you?
And this is someone who OkCupid said would be a decent fit for me! AGH!
2 comments:
I think your response to this is interesting. Is that offensive to you? Why is that? I don't want to know your philosophical reasons for why that might be offensive. What are your PERSONAL reasons? He was asking a question, not making a statement... Of course, his use of improper grammar is what I find totally offensive. Propriety equals respect in my book. My PERSONAL reasons for thinking that way is that, in general, people who I admire and would date would never send a message like that. They take extra care in their communications and somehow that translates to how they would take care of me. The little stuff matters. Especially in the beginning, right?
I wasn't offended-- just a bit flabbergasted. There were lots of little things that added up to my negative response. I'm not going to distinguish between my "philosophical reasons" and my "personal reasons," because they're kind of the same in my mind.
1. The poor spelling.
2. The implied assumptions about what feminism is/means. To me, feminism is about being an advocate for equal rights for everyone regardless of gender (among other things). It has nothing to do with my preferences in the bedroom.
2.5. The logical fallacy behind feminist = domme. Because, what, feminists are man-haters who want to whip men into submission? I mean, I think that part of feminism is embracing the ability/right of consenting adults to do as they choose, so there's totally room for all kinds of kinky stuff, but... to jump from "feminist" to "domme" is, to put it lightly, a big jump. That's like saying "So if you're a computer programmer are you a furry?" (Aside from the lack of knowledge about feminism, I am not interested in someone who makes such funky errors in their thinking.)
3. The lack of care in composing a message, paired with seeming to expect a response. If you're not going to put effort into communicating with me, why would you expect me to put effort into communicating with you?
And this is someone who OkCupid said would be a decent fit for me! AGH!
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