(Disclaimer: This post is sad and probably emo/whiny. I don't care. I'm emotional. Skip it if you don't want to read it.)

Paul and I are now on Breakup #4.

It happened over the phone. I cried about it a bit, but then I didn't want to be crying in my room anymore so I wandered downstairs. But then I didn't actually want to interact with people so now I'm writing here.

I had the strange feeling that I was talking to someone I didn't know. But I've known Paul for ages, and his speech patterns were the same and his chuckle was the same and the way his voice gets soft when he worries was the same. He sounded just like himself. But I felt so far away, and I was yearning for a connection, but it just wasn't there. So I broke the connection that didn't exist.

And now I feel very, very far away. And I don't want to be here. I don't know what I want anymore, but it isn't this.